While many mothers (and some fathers too) have found their way to educating their children at home by means of being homeschooled themselves, a friend introducing the concept, or spiritual enlightenment, my story however, is a little bit different. For me, homeschooling is ALL new territory and something I never had intentions of starting. I was a 'FREE SPIRIT" so to speak, or at least that's what I have been told all my life. I liked to come and go as I pleased, do things my way or the highway, and there were no boundaries to what my limitations were. (Oh, if I had only known then, what I know NOW! LOL)
When I was a child, I do remember 'playing' teacher as a kid with my dolls and barbies, but that is as far as my teaching credentials went. Lining them all up in a row with little pieces of paper I had cut up into 1x1 inch squares, with a bunch of scribble marks on them to mimic cursive writing. See, I never had any brothers or sisters and was alone most of the time due to living in a single parent (and a Military one at that) home most of my life. My biological Father was anything but an 'honest' man, and spent my whole life in prison, but that's another story. I used to ask my mom for a baby brother or sister ALL the time! She never told me that she couldn't have anymore children, but always reminded me, "One day you'll have one of your own and you won't be alone anymore." I remember the feeling of not having anyone there to play with or just talk to, so from a very young age ALL I wanted to do and become, was be a MOMMY! Time went by so quickly from age 7 to 15. We moved around to so many places, that I learned the basics to: Tagolog, Spanish, and Italian languages, and had already been to 20 schools by the time high school rolled around. I was so tired of bouncing back and forth from one place to another. Finally making friends just to turn around and leave them again. Ah, the joys of military life! So, now I am 15 and we are living in Italy. Which, for us was great because my mom's side of the family is Italian. It was great to experience that side of my culture. The people, the buildings, the palaces, those little Match-Box looking mini-cars that everyone deems a race-car, and the food "BELLISIMO!" When our journey finally ended there and we came back to the U.S.A, I ended up making friends with wonderful man named Tim......>we met.....>fell in love...>...my 'Italian-Stallion" mom approved of him and allowed us to married when I was 16. It wasn't long after our marriage began, that we found out we were expecting.....I was still in high school and had all intentions of not only finishing, but going to the most elaborate college that would accept me. Oh, how things change. My pregnancy was the roughest journey of my life and landed me on bed rest for 8 full months. Everything that could go wrong...did! So, I sacrificed my education for the desire to be with my baby at all costs. He was more important to me than anything....still is =)
Fast-forwarding to 2007. My husband and I went back and forth for the majority of our 'beginner' years of marriage. We didn't always see eye to eye, and with him also being in the Military, (the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree I guess lol), we had already separated once before, this time I made the choice to move back to California, where I am from, with my 3 small children ages 13 months, 4, and 8. He was to stay here in Virginia, as he was (and still is) in the US Navy and stationed there. While there, I belonged to a church that helped me in so many ways. From the first time I sat down to listen to a Sunday message, the pastor had me from "Hello". (If you are ever in the Oceanside area of San Diego...check out -Faith Temple Christian Center) I loved it from the very beginning and also volunteered some of my time to help as a Pre-K teacher's assistant off and on for their private school, so my younger 2 could have some playmates while my son was in 2nd grade, (public school), and I could be a blessing to them as well. I wanted my children to receive some of the education that the teachers were so lovingly providing. I didn't have a job because I couldn't afford daycare, nor anyone to hire me because I didn't have an education. So, I gave my time in exchange for a good education for them. I was living on welfare, child support, and food stamps for a very long time in my pursuit to do things 'MY WAY'. Then one day the director of the church (Mrs. S) asked me, "How would you like to have a full-time position here, since you are here EVERY DAY anyway?" It really hurt my heart to decline something I needed so badly, all because I wasn't qualified enough to teach on a professional level. I smiled and said, " I would love to, but I can't." She wanted to know why and I hesitated to tell her, but something inside me said "TELL HER THE TRUTH!" So, I did. She smiled at me and gave me a hug and I told her it was the thought that counted.
About 3 days later I received a phone call from her asking me to come into her office that she wanted to talk to me. I thought maybe I said something wrong or worse, because I didn't have an education, I couldn't help anymore. When I got there, she sat me down and said, "I am going to be very blunt here so please don't take this to heart....you not having a high school diploma is a big problem." (I tried to hold back the tears already!) "I spoke with pastor and unfortunately we cannot hire someone on a full time basis without a degree, especially in the childcare/educational field." I said, "It's ok" and tried to politely excuse myself. She said "Wait, there is a little more here." I sat down and she looked at me with a BIG smile on her face and said, "The pastor and I had a long conversation and we have prayed for an answer here, we want to help you, so we are sending you to school Holly." I said, But what about my kids...I have no one to keep them, that is why I volunteer in the classrooms so they can be with me." She said, "Your children are going to remain here with us while you go to school, when you are out of school you will be here and I will bless you under the table for just 'helping out' since we can't put you on our payroll, so please just accept this as a gift. I cried and cried.....then asked "I don't have money to go to school and I cannot allow you to do so for me." She stated that she had already called the school and made prior arrangements for me to meet with the HR Department, and that all my paperwork was ready for me to be filled out for grants, financial aid, and that whatever cost I did have, we would figure it out when we crossed that bridge. All I needed to do was go and sign my name and choose my classes. I sat there with my eyes burning from tears and my heart smiled for the first time, in a LONG time. So, when she told me that it was a college, I said there must have been some kind of misunderstanding.....because it wasn't the college that I was lacking, it was high school. She said, " I know...I understood you." She told me that this particular college had a program for people who do NOT have a high school diploma. There were classes I could take for their certificate program, I would still need a high school degree for my full B.A Degree though. This gave me HOPE! I was going to get off of welfare, be able to support my kids, and above ALL things......I was going to be a teacher, now I just had to pass the test!
A few weeks later I was sitting in a classroom with other men and women listening to them share their stories on why they wanted to be a teacher, yet was too afraid to tell mine...so I passed on my turn. I studied hard, I gave it my all........but, I never got to finish. During my separation with my husband, (he was still 3,000 miles away in Virginia) we had talked and such about getting back together, but never made anything official. That October he flew out for our son's birthday and we got to talk face to face. I invited him to attend church with us that Sunday, which is something we only did together maybe twice in our marriage. After church a good friend of mine asked us over to her house and that her husband wanted to meet my husband. By the time we left there, my husband was a changed man REALLY! He accepted Christ into his life on their living room couch, something I had never thought to even ask him about; "Hey husband....do you know Jesus Christ?" I felt good for him, but my flesh acted foolish. I couldn't believe I never knew he didn't know Christ! I felt like a bad wife and even jealous for not being the one to invite him to know Christ....some kind of wife I was!!! Anyways....he was only there to visit for 1 week and had to head back to VA to go out to sea. We both had a small glimpse of hope for our marriage when he left, we said our goodbyes and left it at that. One thing was different though... his new found love for God left him with a new heart and that much I was thankful for!
1 month later, he called and asked me if I would move back to Virginia that he wanted to give it his all (as did I) and we could start over again. This put a smile upon my heart but terrified me SO much. I had just gotten in school, just found a job, I had plans to make a better life for our kids, and wasn't sure if was he supposed to be a part of that? I, I, I, I, I!!!!! I cried for a few weeks and talked with some friends hoping to get their opinions on MY marriage. They all encouraged me to go back with my husband that it would be what God wanted and I should give it another chance.(Praise God for REAL friends) I felt that if it didn't work out, I could always come back, but at least...in the end, I could say that I gave it my ALL.
Fast-forward button again........About 3 months later, the kids and I were on our way back to Virginia. I had no job, no car because I had to sell it right before our move, it just wouldn't make it to VA. I had nothing. No house, No car. No job. No money. Nothing! (Praise God for Grandma's because she blessed me with her old car as she had it up for sale for a while). The only thing I had were my kids & walking solely on faith. I kept telling myself that God wouldn't bring me this far just to leave me. Then one night as I stayed in a hotel on our way traveling back here, I had a dream. In my dream I was a teacher. I had my own classroom and things looked so beautiful. I had a classroom full of children and I was teaching! I awoke the next morning like "Wow, this is what I left behind!" I continued on our travels back to my husband, back to a new home, back to .......just back! I felt like I was going back in time and having to start all over again. Little did I know, I WAS starting ALL over again, but with a different meaning and purpose in life.....but what purpose did I have, having nothing?
Fast-forward button again........About 3 months later, the kids and I were on our way back to Virginia. I had no job, no car because I had to sell it right before our move, it just wouldn't make it to VA. I had nothing. No house, No car. No job. No money. Nothing! (Praise God for Grandma's because she blessed me with her old car as she had it up for sale for a while). The only thing I had were my kids & walking solely on faith. I kept telling myself that God wouldn't bring me this far just to leave me. Then one night as I stayed in a hotel on our way traveling back here, I had a dream. In my dream I was a teacher. I had my own classroom and things looked so beautiful. I had a classroom full of children and I was teaching! I awoke the next morning like "Wow, this is what I left behind!" I continued on our travels back to my husband, back to a new home, back to .......just back! I felt like I was going back in time and having to start all over again. Little did I know, I WAS starting ALL over again, but with a different meaning and purpose in life.....but what purpose did I have, having nothing?
We arrived the end of 2008 in Virginia as public school was about to begin for the children. I enrolled them in our closest school for the upcoming year just knowing they would have to move to another one soon enough, as my husband's1 bedroom place...was WAY TO SMALL for a family of 5!). (Growing up I HATED that part of being a military child...I went to over 20 schools in my lifetime....but anyways). Just to keep the children busy, I Googled 'summer worksheets, math worksheets etc,' when I SOMEHOW stumbled upon the word 'HOMESCHOOLING" and thought "Hey...I remember PLAYING school with Pika when he was around 2-5 years old and we practiced ABC's, numbers, and he learned to read and write.....but that doesn't count, or does it?" I logged off and thought nothing else of it. I kept on web-surfing for things to do since we left with what fit in the car my grandmother blessed us with. (Not much fits inside of a 2000 Mercury Sable let me tell you!!!! LOL) My husband's ship was still out to sea and he had left his apartment with my mom for safe keeping, so at least we had a place to stay until he got home. We didn't stay too long in his apartment because like I said... it only had ONE bedroom! Can you imagine how cramped we were in this 500 SQ FT place? LOL
Needless to say, we moved into another apartment that we shortly had to move out of AGAIN, as the neighborhood was REALLY (and I emphasize REALLY bad!) Which meant....yep, you guess it: another public school move for the kids! After a very short time in that place with all the crime and their refusal to fix anything...we finally agreed that we would just move into Navy Housing, and we did!
Once in our new place, we got all situated and I enrolled our children at our local public school. (It was still summer time) Mind you, I had never had ANY issues with ANY school/s before. Right from the beginning, the staff was rude, unorganized, and just unprofessional. I blew it off as "It's the beginning of the year, the teacher's are getting used to the kids, and things will get better."
They did not, if fact they got worse...much worse! Within a matter of weeks, my children were learning VERY VIAL THINGS from other students. Their attitudes went from 0-10 in just seconds, they were mad and sad all the time, from they way they were treated by not only students but teachers and staff as well. (This is something they were surely not used too from previously being in a private Christian school). I kept telling them that our family doesn't give up when things get bad. We keep fighting and in the end, it will all be OK because God said so! During the 2 years they attended there were so many problems and I kept encouraging them to 'just stick it out'. In a military family; when things get tough...the tough get going and we are built to ENDURE! Even though the words "keep up the good work, your just going to have to deal with it, prayer harder as I pray for you" kept coming out of my mouth, I felt like I was throwing them back to the wolves! The days got worse and worse and it felt like our family was falling apart. We were yelling, fighting, sad/mad all the time, so short tempered, dishonest, screaming excuses instead of reasoning etc. This was the farthest thing from a "Happy Christian Home" anyone could EVER imagine! I cried and prayed all the time for God to bring peace to our family. To help rebuild the broken bridges, and for Him to PLEASE help me understand what HE wanted me to do, because now, I was really at a loss.
Needless to say, we moved into another apartment that we shortly had to move out of AGAIN, as the neighborhood was REALLY (and I emphasize REALLY bad!) Which meant....yep, you guess it: another public school move for the kids! After a very short time in that place with all the crime and their refusal to fix anything...we finally agreed that we would just move into Navy Housing, and we did!
Once in our new place, we got all situated and I enrolled our children at our local public school. (It was still summer time) Mind you, I had never had ANY issues with ANY school/s before. Right from the beginning, the staff was rude, unorganized, and just unprofessional. I blew it off as "It's the beginning of the year, the teacher's are getting used to the kids, and things will get better."
They did not, if fact they got worse...much worse! Within a matter of weeks, my children were learning VERY VIAL THINGS from other students. Their attitudes went from 0-10 in just seconds, they were mad and sad all the time, from they way they were treated by not only students but teachers and staff as well. (This is something they were surely not used too from previously being in a private Christian school). I kept telling them that our family doesn't give up when things get bad. We keep fighting and in the end, it will all be OK because God said so! During the 2 years they attended there were so many problems and I kept encouraging them to 'just stick it out'. In a military family; when things get tough...the tough get going and we are built to ENDURE! Even though the words "keep up the good work, your just going to have to deal with it, prayer harder as I pray for you" kept coming out of my mouth, I felt like I was throwing them back to the wolves! The days got worse and worse and it felt like our family was falling apart. We were yelling, fighting, sad/mad all the time, so short tempered, dishonest, screaming excuses instead of reasoning etc. This was the farthest thing from a "Happy Christian Home" anyone could EVER imagine! I cried and prayed all the time for God to bring peace to our family. To help rebuild the broken bridges, and for Him to PLEASE help me understand what HE wanted me to do, because now, I was really at a loss.
One one occasion (it was the middle of the week) things seemed to be going ok. That was until I pick them up as usual from school. Our eldest daughter wasn't quite herself and I sensed something was REALLY bothering her. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she wouldn't answer me. Not wanting to push her further away, I just let it go hoping she would come to me in her own time. Later on that night after dinner, I ask her to come in my room and talk to me... just me and her and that I wanted to give it another go. I thought maybe she just needed sometime to think about what happened and also, some one on one time with Mommy. She is always looking for the extra hugs and kisses LOL. As I begin to talk to her and ask her about things. She looks at me and says, " Mommy, what is sex?" I tried not to look as shocked as my heart really was, so I took her hand and I asked her where she heard the word from and what SHE thought it meant. She told me that a little girl at lunch had said it. I asked her to tell me the rest of the story. She stated that she knew it was a very bad word and began to cry uncontrollably! She begged me not to be mad at her. At this point...I crumbled and I just held her, hugged her, and told her I could never be mad at her for asking me a question, that all questions needed an answer....no matter the type! I told her that although I do not know ever thing...sometimes I can give an answer and sometimes we just wait for God to give it to us. (Oh, how I wish God would've answered her on this one because IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH!) She said that little girl was saying all kinds of nasty things in her ear at the lunch table, and that she told the little girl it was bad and she was going to tell the lunch monitor on her. The little girl called her a 'snitch' and used her vial words to belittle my baby. My daughter tried to explain it to the adult and move seats, but her request was denied! While I am SO proud of her for making that choice, it scared me to death for she is only 7 years old in the 2nd grade! Not to mention, it really made her feel bad for wanting to do what is right! I had her tell the teacher and the principal about this incident the next morning and they agreed to take care of it, that the adult in charge should have listened, and we agreed that the situation was over with.
Not too many days following this incident with our daughter, did our son come into our room one night and say, "Mom, I really hate this school, everyone is mean, no one cares or listens to me, the kids are bulling me....is there anyway I can just transfer schools or do my work at home and turn it in?" That next morning as soon as I dropped them off at school, (yes, bad mother...I made the go back because there is NO OTHER OPTION), I sat down with my morning cup of coffee and kept thinking, "There has to be a better way and something we aren't thinking of". I searched, "Private schools, schooling from home, public school work to do at home etc". Then, I remembered what I thought was homeschool with Pika", and while this all looked like an option, I was just certain that I could NOT do it because I have no degree, was it even legal, did I really want to do this etc... I had so many questions that needed answers.(Again, I wanted God to just give them straight to me lol). At my end's witt I ended up making a post on my Face Book wall saying, "If anyone of you folks on my friends list "HOMESCHOOL" your children, can you please give me a phone call or inbox me please....thanks =)"
The next day a friend of mine told me that she saw my post and knew about this woman in our Navy housing complex (no coincidence there.....) that homeschooled her eldest son. I was given her FB information and sent her a friend request with my phone number, just knowing it would go unanswered. Later that night we ended up talking on the phone for over an hour! I told her about my situation and my thoughts on homeschooling, how I wasn't 'certified' and just needed answers because my kids were not only having a hard time, but losing their faith. She had no idea that at that very moment, (or now for that matter) that she had just saved my life...and neither did I! (Christiana, I love you!) She told me that her 2 other children were still attending the very same pubic school and that this was their last year in public school as she was just as fed up with it as I was! She told me about a place called "MOORE EXPRESSIONS HOMESCHOOL STORE" and that the next night they were having a BAYITH Meeting. (No coincidence there either that it was the VERY NEXT DAY!) I had NO IDEA what this was, but I knew I wanted to go. So, I picked her up and we went!
As I walk into the door of a place I wasn't sure I was 'supposed' to be in, the many bookshelves were SO intimidating, the clutterness of people, books, and just the small space was KILLING my clostrophobic/OCD self! I had this overwhelming feeling of "WHAT THE HECK AND I DOING HERE? THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO....I AM NOT GOING TO LET MY SON TELL ME HOW TIRED HE IS OF SCHOOL, HE IS NOT CHOOSING HIS EDUCATION, I AM THE PARENT, HOW THE HECK DID I END UP HERE?" Then, we walked around a bit more and the scared sunken feeling set in. I wanted to leave but the meeting had begun, so just I sat down not trying to be rude. I sat there...sat there...and sat there. I Listened to these mom's ramble about curriculum choices, legislative laws and how their were mad their kids couldn't play sports. How much they HATED public schools and the teachers who called themselves qualified. How their kids drive them nuts all day long and how they enjoyed their once a month "night out"! ONCE A MONTH...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Their reasoning......all in the name of HOMESCHOOLING! I sat there and wondered how my life had gotten to this point. I hesitated...but finally dumped my heavy load of questions on them, the questions were never-ending and I thought they were going to kick me out for hogging up their meeting! LOL On the contrary.....they embraced me and my ramblings, answered EVERY-SINGLE-ONE of them, and then on the way out......a break-thru, I felt a bit of reliefe so these "rambling" mom's KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT!!!! Then..... tears began to fall. I finally had some answers to those questions I had been asking myself to no avail, and if I did nothing with the answers, at least I knew something, "I was NOT alone in the way I felt!"
As I walk into the door of a place I wasn't sure I was 'supposed' to be in, the many bookshelves were SO intimidating, the clutterness of people, books, and just the small space was KILLING my clostrophobic/OCD self! I had this overwhelming feeling of "WHAT THE HECK AND I DOING HERE? THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO....I AM NOT GOING TO LET MY SON TELL ME HOW TIRED HE IS OF SCHOOL, HE IS NOT CHOOSING HIS EDUCATION, I AM THE PARENT, HOW THE HECK DID I END UP HERE?" Then, we walked around a bit more and the scared sunken feeling set in. I wanted to leave but the meeting had begun, so just I sat down not trying to be rude. I sat there...sat there...and sat there. I Listened to these mom's ramble about curriculum choices, legislative laws and how their were mad their kids couldn't play sports. How much they HATED public schools and the teachers who called themselves qualified. How their kids drive them nuts all day long and how they enjoyed their once a month "night out"! ONCE A MONTH...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Their reasoning......all in the name of HOMESCHOOLING! I sat there and wondered how my life had gotten to this point. I hesitated...but finally dumped my heavy load of questions on them, the questions were never-ending and I thought they were going to kick me out for hogging up their meeting! LOL On the contrary.....they embraced me and my ramblings, answered EVERY-SINGLE-ONE of them, and then on the way out......a break-thru, I felt a bit of reliefe so these "rambling" mom's KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT!!!! Then..... tears began to fall. I finally had some answers to those questions I had been asking myself to no avail, and if I did nothing with the answers, at least I knew something, "I was NOT alone in the way I felt!"
Some of those nagging questions were:
1. Can I really homeschool.....like, is this even legal? Yep, I can homeschool...but now the new question is "Do I really want too? Am I REALLY smart enough with only going to the 9th grade?
2. Can I homeschool with no High School Diploma? Yep...according to Virginia State Law, ONLY 1 is needed in the household if you are married so, I could just use my husband's.
3. It will be TONS of hard work, but if I give it my all.....it just 'might' work, but did I want to give it my ALL? Was I READY to give it my ALL? (For homeschoolers this means....ALL! ALL of your time. ALL of your heart. ALL of your knowledge. ALL of your freedom. ALL of your energy!!!
4. Maybe God was calling me to do this and maybe he wasn't...but I think I am one step closer, am I REALLY one step closer or just fed up thinking this is the ONLY way out?
5. Where would I get the support and supplies and how would I know where to even start? The rambling thoughts of, "MATH AND SCIENCE, AND GRAMMAR.....OH MY" to the music from the Wizard of Oz kept replaying in my head over and over, and OVER again! (The answer....Oh yeah, from this tiny shelf-lined building) (Had I only known that this tiny place was the answer to my prayers and was soon to leave a HUGE impact in my life...in my childrens' lives!)
6. What would others think of me?...."Oh yeah, I don't even know what I think of myself right now so.....as long as my kids and I are alive at this point, who cares!"
7. My kids already have a hard time finding 'true' friends...if any at all, so how in the world will we socialize? (Well, I guess no socialization is better than BAD socialization and we would just be hermits....)
8. Could I go from having 6+ hours for 30-31 days EVERY SINGLE MONTH with nothing but freedom to do as I needed/wanted to do, to ONLY 1 day a month, and not go CRAZY?
....the list went on and on and ON!
....the list went on and on and ON!
For many nights, I pondered all of the things that I had learned recently. I sat on the information for quite some time just allowing everything to sink in. I had it upon my heart to 'ask' my husband what he thought about this 'alternative' method of education. I REALLY wanted to have my ducks all lined up in a row before approaching my husband about it, for I feared I already knew his answer. A little while had passed yet again, (like weeks) and I had finally felt confident enough to bring this subject up and while I battled myself for the words to just come out right, I managed to screw them up as everything just spilled right out!
DRUM ROLL PLEASE....................Yep, I was right, yet his reply was not even in words when I mentioned it. The look on his face read, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" and "Are you crazy?" as he just walked away leaving me to stand there mortified!!! I dropped my head and excused myself to my bedroom to go bury myself in my covers and pretend this was some bad dream....no a NIGHTMARE! I left it alone with the idea that I would never mention it again. Oh, but the LORD had other plans and for once I wish that they didn't include me! LOL
Needless to say, my heart was still heavy and was seeking the thoughts and opinions of my husband. So, after another few weeks and devouring myself to yet again, more research, more questions that needed more answers, more items on my to-do list, I finally brought it up again!
With his dad being a teacher all his life, I thought he would understand my concerns and intentions, but instead I got 1 paragraph that made me cringe.
"We are not homeschooling the kids! We are not 'THAT' type of family. I pay good tax money for them to attend public school, you have no degree and aren't a qualified teacher. Everything you start, you have trouble trying to finish. They are happy there and they need to be around kids their own age. I am NOT putting them in a shell and isolating them. WE ARE NOT HOMESCHOOLING, PERIOD!"
DRUM ROLL PLEASE....................Yep, I was right, yet his reply was not even in words when I mentioned it. The look on his face read, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" and "Are you crazy?" as he just walked away leaving me to stand there mortified!!! I dropped my head and excused myself to my bedroom to go bury myself in my covers and pretend this was some bad dream....no a NIGHTMARE! I left it alone with the idea that I would never mention it again. Oh, but the LORD had other plans and for once I wish that they didn't include me! LOL
Needless to say, my heart was still heavy and was seeking the thoughts and opinions of my husband. So, after another few weeks and devouring myself to yet again, more research, more questions that needed more answers, more items on my to-do list, I finally brought it up again!
With his dad being a teacher all his life, I thought he would understand my concerns and intentions, but instead I got 1 paragraph that made me cringe.
"We are not homeschooling the kids! We are not 'THAT' type of family. I pay good tax money for them to attend public school, you have no degree and aren't a qualified teacher. Everything you start, you have trouble trying to finish. They are happy there and they need to be around kids their own age. I am NOT putting them in a shell and isolating them. WE ARE NOT HOMESCHOOLING, PERIOD!"
"Obey, respect, obey, respect, obey.....respect! Sure, I'll show him respect alright. Can someone fetch me the frying pan?" That's what I kept telling myself. I prayed, researched, prayed, researched......and by the end of another 4 week search, I thought," If I can't do it, oh well...they can just go back to public school right?" I felt torn between what my heart was telling me, what God might be telling me, and what the authority of my husband was telling me. I kind of decided that I would research all I could, purchase small things behind my husband's back, and that maybe eventually I would have somewhat of enough 'knowledge' to at least try to homeschool our son after he got home from school, if I had too, and if my husband didn't like it....he could jump on the band-wagon or move over because marriage or not, I KNEW what God was calling me to do! After all, I had made it by myself before....kind of.
Then, I had a thought...or a foot in the door so to speak. "THAT'S IT!...we can just "play" school (like I did with those Barbie dolls and before it ever really counted when he was under age 5), in the summertime and maybe that will help the kids get ready for the next grade!" This idea he seemed to be ok with, since they were not in school during the Summer time, weren't going to miss any days per attendance regulations, and could possibly use the boost of higher grade level material anyway as preparation. So, no harm no foul.
Then, I had a thought...or a foot in the door so to speak. "THAT'S IT!...we can just "play" school (like I did with those Barbie dolls and before it ever really counted when he was under age 5), in the summertime and maybe that will help the kids get ready for the next grade!" This idea he seemed to be ok with, since they were not in school during the Summer time, weren't going to miss any days per attendance regulations, and could possibly use the boost of higher grade level material anyway as preparation. So, no harm no foul.
Over the next week or so, I was put in touch with another wonderful woman of God named, Katy (Oh, how I love you darling! lol) I dumped my questions upon her, as I did ALL THE OTHERS and she gladly answered me (I continually prayed for all of these women to somehow forgive me and all my interrogations LOL) She not only explained to me how she manages her homeschool, but even explain and showed me how to write a NOI (Notice of Intent -for the 'just in case' we DID ever make it official.....one day, maybe?) She showed me examples of hers and helped me write it up. She educated me about end of the year testing, curriculum choices, how to avoid homeschool burnout, co-op's, places to go for resources, outside activities for homeschoolers, field trip information etc. FINALLY PROGRESS! "Overwhelming to say the least, but progress" I thought. So, I took in every...last...drop, of her knowledge and applied it! I decided to give this thing a go, so I planned and plotted, then placed everything in a small folder with a stamp on op of it so to speak, hoping I wouldn't have to send any of it (just yet). I managed to squeeze it into the very back of my filing cabinet so no one would see it nor suspect what it could be. The last thing I wanted was someone asking ME a million questions about something I wasn't TOTALLY sure of! I did want to homeschool, but I didn't. Did I want to do it for the right reasons? Only God had this answer and I just prayed he would give me a sign that homeschooling WAS the right thing for our family......or had He already done so?
Then finally... the day of EVERY PARENT'S NIGHTMARE came.......
It was a Friday night and she was acting kind of...funny. She was very clingy (well, she always is, but EXTRA clingy), crying non stop and didn't want to be alone. I kept asking her what was wrong but she didn't say anything. She never left my side for a moment, especially at night.With her having Autism, I didn't hink anything out of the norm.....but my 'Mommy senses" were tingling! So, as the weekend passed and Sunday night rolled around, I began to remind the children that they needed to get their items ready for school the next morning (Monday). Then she threw the biggest fit I can recall to date, she was screaming non stop saying, "I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE!!!
It was just then... that, for the first time -I heard her soul cry!
She threw herself down on my bed and hid under my covers in so much fear....that I didn't know what to do! I knew then that something was TERRIBLY wrong!
I sat there on my bed trying to get her to talk to me and I said, "I know that something is really bothering you baby, but I need you to trust Momma. Please tell me. I promise I will just listen, I just want to help you....let Mommy make whatever is bothering you go away. I promise I can." She hesitated for another 1/2 hour making us really late to bed, as it had now turned about 10pm or so. Finally as pure frustration sunk in, I said, "Well, if you can't tell me what is wrong then you will have to go to bed right now! We will march right back in to school again tomorrow and be a big girl about it, and you cannot miss anymore school."
She burst out screaming at me, "Mommy....NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! (I think I will spare the details for the sake of her precious spirit, but hopefully, you get the point at the words " THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED TO HER!") She cried out every drop of life she had left in her. I sat there in complete hell for any lack of words.....for this was hell, for her! After much reassurance that I wasn't going to allow it to happen again, she told me the details; The unthinkable happened while she was trying to take a nap, because a (male) child in her classroom couldn't keep his hands to himself! At this moment, I had no words I just grabbed her and I cried with her...I cried for her....I am crying still as I write this. I felt so much pain for her, as I know her pain and that I went through similar things as a child.
How could this happen to a child.....MY CHILD?
Who was watching and protecting my little girl when I wasn't there?
Who could have allowed this to happen......in a PUBLIC SCHOOL of ALL places?
I told her that we needed to go to the school and talk with the principal so this NEVER happened again. That we could fix the problem, if we just let someone who works there know about it.
That morning, I got on my knees and prayed like I had never prayed before. I prayed for God to 'Make a way out of NO way" and to PLEASE not let me kill someone when I went there! Needless to say; the whole situation went from bad to worse about 10 minutes after our arrival. The staff didn't believe me nor my daughter. The teacher denied it. The boy was to remain in the classroom, with only a simple conversation on what 'touches' were appropriate, and my daughter had to sit there distraught while listening to them ramble on and on about how it never happened and how they didn't appreciate our fabrications! Then, to make matters worse, then had no room for her in another class, and refused to move this child! So, for the rest of the year (another 5-6 months) she would be staring her 'attacker' so to speak in the face! I don't think so! I wasn't going to put her through that emotional hell and have her live in fear every single day that he would do it again! When we walked out of the school she looked at me and said "Mommy, I don't want to come back here, I'm scared.... do I have to come back here?" I was crying so hard and said, "Sweetpea...you will NEVER come back, I promise!!!" She looked up at me and for a split second I saw her precious face smile. That very afternoon and vowed to God to NEVER let anything happen to her again and from that day in January 2011, she would never go back to THAT school! But, now what do I do about her education?
It was a Friday night and she was acting kind of...funny. She was very clingy (well, she always is, but EXTRA clingy), crying non stop and didn't want to be alone. I kept asking her what was wrong but she didn't say anything. She never left my side for a moment, especially at night.With her having Autism, I didn't hink anything out of the norm.....but my 'Mommy senses" were tingling! So, as the weekend passed and Sunday night rolled around, I began to remind the children that they needed to get their items ready for school the next morning (Monday). Then she threw the biggest fit I can recall to date, she was screaming non stop saying, "I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE!!!
It was just then... that, for the first time -I heard her soul cry!
She threw herself down on my bed and hid under my covers in so much fear....that I didn't know what to do! I knew then that something was TERRIBLY wrong!
I sat there on my bed trying to get her to talk to me and I said, "I know that something is really bothering you baby, but I need you to trust Momma. Please tell me. I promise I will just listen, I just want to help you....let Mommy make whatever is bothering you go away. I promise I can." She hesitated for another 1/2 hour making us really late to bed, as it had now turned about 10pm or so. Finally as pure frustration sunk in, I said, "Well, if you can't tell me what is wrong then you will have to go to bed right now! We will march right back in to school again tomorrow and be a big girl about it, and you cannot miss anymore school."
She burst out screaming at me, "Mommy....NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! (I think I will spare the details for the sake of her precious spirit, but hopefully, you get the point at the words " THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED TO HER!") She cried out every drop of life she had left in her. I sat there in complete hell for any lack of words.....for this was hell, for her! After much reassurance that I wasn't going to allow it to happen again, she told me the details; The unthinkable happened while she was trying to take a nap, because a (male) child in her classroom couldn't keep his hands to himself! At this moment, I had no words I just grabbed her and I cried with her...I cried for her....I am crying still as I write this. I felt so much pain for her, as I know her pain and that I went through similar things as a child.
How could this happen to a child.....MY CHILD?
Who was watching and protecting my little girl when I wasn't there?
Who could have allowed this to happen......in a PUBLIC SCHOOL of ALL places?
I told her that we needed to go to the school and talk with the principal so this NEVER happened again. That we could fix the problem, if we just let someone who works there know about it.
That morning, I got on my knees and prayed like I had never prayed before. I prayed for God to 'Make a way out of NO way" and to PLEASE not let me kill someone when I went there! Needless to say; the whole situation went from bad to worse about 10 minutes after our arrival. The staff didn't believe me nor my daughter. The teacher denied it. The boy was to remain in the classroom, with only a simple conversation on what 'touches' were appropriate, and my daughter had to sit there distraught while listening to them ramble on and on about how it never happened and how they didn't appreciate our fabrications! Then, to make matters worse, then had no room for her in another class, and refused to move this child! So, for the rest of the year (another 5-6 months) she would be staring her 'attacker' so to speak in the face! I don't think so! I wasn't going to put her through that emotional hell and have her live in fear every single day that he would do it again! When we walked out of the school she looked at me and said "Mommy, I don't want to come back here, I'm scared.... do I have to come back here?" I was crying so hard and said, "Sweetpea...you will NEVER come back, I promise!!!" She looked up at me and for a split second I saw her precious face smile. That very afternoon and vowed to God to NEVER let anything happen to her again and from that day in January 2011, she would never go back to THAT school! But, now what do I do about her education?
As she lay sleeping across my lap in my bed, with one hand draped over her and the other on my laptop which balanced upon a pillow, I remembered what I had "hidden" away in the back of my office filing cabinet! It was that "TOP SECRET" folder that held the answers to solve this problem. It held my NOI all typed up, my husband's high school diploma, and a list of ideas, Pre-K curriculum choices, plus all of that information I had been given before by countless others.
Needless to say, the next morning I was sound in my decision (a good night's rest always helps). I had everything submitted to the Superintendent's office before the principal could leave her office that day. I personally hand delivered the disenrollment letter to the principal as she stared as me puzzled and asked, "Why? I smiled and we headed for the door. As we got into the truck after submitting the letter, I felt so much pain, so much anger, and such an overwhelming feeling of "What the hell do I do now and how/why did it even come to this point?" kind of thing, that I just cried MY soul out this time! My daughter kept telling me from the backseat, "Mommy it's ok...I am here...I am here" Here she was comforting me.....in all HER distress!
When my husband got home Monday morning (mind you....he was out to sea through this WHOLE ordeal), he would see her there and ask why she wasn't in school. For the first time in 12 years....I was NOT looking forward to his arrive! We waited for what seemed like days, but was really just few hours. During that time I tried to plan my words very carefully on how I would tell him, what I would tell him, and prayed he wouldn't kill someone when I did. As he walked through the door, Ari and I were downstairs on the couch resting as she was 1/2 asleep on my lap and crying and dozing off off and on, as was I. My husband asked me what was wrong with her and I, so I sat him down. I told him what happened to her and he blew up! I tried my best to calm him down....not so much for his sake, but for hers, as she was already distraught. He grabbed her out of my arms and held her tightly, then walked away consoling her on his chest with his whole heart. "Daddy is gonna fix this...Daddy is here!" They walked out of the room and when he came back, he asked me "So, what about her education and what about this homeschooling thing you were telling me about?"
OH MY GOD.......MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD!!!! FATHER YOU HAVE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!!!!!
I was crying in tears of sadness, relief, fear, joy, and every other feeling God designed and placed within my body, all at once! Talk about the word "OVERWHELMING!!!" I went into the room and brought out some books that I had "slyfully" purchased from Moore Expressions Homeschool Store on a prior trip. "Horizon's Pre-K" Just 2 simple books for her with a Teacher's guide for me, and a CD to go with it. These were items that I had planned on using over our "Summer school". I told him all about my plans as I sat there with shame on my face. He asked me how long I had been planned or plotting, on doing this. I told him that it had been MANY weeks now. We both giggled and for the first time, we were on the same page.
Needless to say, the next morning I was sound in my decision (a good night's rest always helps). I had everything submitted to the Superintendent's office before the principal could leave her office that day. I personally hand delivered the disenrollment letter to the principal as she stared as me puzzled and asked, "Why? I smiled and we headed for the door. As we got into the truck after submitting the letter, I felt so much pain, so much anger, and such an overwhelming feeling of "What the hell do I do now and how/why did it even come to this point?" kind of thing, that I just cried MY soul out this time! My daughter kept telling me from the backseat, "Mommy it's ok...I am here...I am here" Here she was comforting me.....in all HER distress!
When my husband got home Monday morning (mind you....he was out to sea through this WHOLE ordeal), he would see her there and ask why she wasn't in school. For the first time in 12 years....I was NOT looking forward to his arrive! We waited for what seemed like days, but was really just few hours. During that time I tried to plan my words very carefully on how I would tell him, what I would tell him, and prayed he wouldn't kill someone when I did. As he walked through the door, Ari and I were downstairs on the couch resting as she was 1/2 asleep on my lap and crying and dozing off off and on, as was I. My husband asked me what was wrong with her and I, so I sat him down. I told him what happened to her and he blew up! I tried my best to calm him down....not so much for his sake, but for hers, as she was already distraught. He grabbed her out of my arms and held her tightly, then walked away consoling her on his chest with his whole heart. "Daddy is gonna fix this...Daddy is here!" They walked out of the room and when he came back, he asked me "So, what about her education and what about this homeschooling thing you were telling me about?"
OH MY GOD.......MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD!!!! FATHER YOU HAVE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!!!!!
I was crying in tears of sadness, relief, fear, joy, and every other feeling God designed and placed within my body, all at once! Talk about the word "OVERWHELMING!!!" I went into the room and brought out some books that I had "slyfully" purchased from Moore Expressions Homeschool Store on a prior trip. "Horizon's Pre-K" Just 2 simple books for her with a Teacher's guide for me, and a CD to go with it. These were items that I had planned on using over our "Summer school". I told him all about my plans as I sat there with shame on my face. He asked me how long I had been planned or plotting, on doing this. I told him that it had been MANY weeks now. We both giggled and for the first time, we were on the same page.
The questions that followed were many:
What about the other children? As we have 3.
How would they feel about their sister being in that situation?
Should we even tell them?
What if we didn't tell them and it happens again?
What if they don't feel safe anymore....that it could happen to them?
How would they react to her being home schooled and not them?
.....and so on.
Especially our son, who was the one BEGGING us to allow HIM to stay home and lear!. God had an answer for that too. I brought up the "Summer-school" thing again to my husband, and he said that might be a good idea in lue of this situation, as there were no other options as far as "other" schools go. That we would play it by ear becauseif we had to move to transfer schools.... the next school might be a 'good-one', if it wasn't, then maybe....just maybe, we could 'TRY' homeschooling in the fall or put them in a church private school somewhere (if we could financially do so). While this wasn't quite a yes, it was still a good sign for me! God works with baby steps and I need to have patience right?
What about the other children? As we have 3.
How would they feel about their sister being in that situation?
Should we even tell them?
What if we didn't tell them and it happens again?
What if they don't feel safe anymore....that it could happen to them?
How would they react to her being home schooled and not them?
.....and so on.
Especially our son, who was the one BEGGING us to allow HIM to stay home and lear!. God had an answer for that too. I brought up the "Summer-school" thing again to my husband, and he said that might be a good idea in lue of this situation, as there were no other options as far as "other" schools go. That we would play it by ear becauseif we had to move to transfer schools.... the next school might be a 'good-one', if it wasn't, then maybe....just maybe, we could 'TRY' homeschooling in the fall or put them in a church private school somewhere (if we could financially do so). While this wasn't quite a yes, it was still a good sign for me! God works with baby steps and I need to have patience right?
Over the next month or so, things were going great with our new precious homeschooler. I had set up a small space with a $35.00 desk I bought off Craigslist, her books from Moore's that only cost me $30.00, and some posters, pencils, and crayons, that I got from the Dollar Tree. All in all....we began with under $100.00!
Our small space was nothing special, but it was special to her! It was just enough to put a smile on her face as she began her new adventures as a HOMESCHOOLER!
HERE IT IS................................
THIS IS MY LITTLE PRESCHOOLER WORKING HARD AT HER NEW DESK ON HER 1ST DAY OF HOMESCHOOL!
HERE IT IS................................
THIS IS MY LITTLE PRESCHOOLER WORKING HARD AT HER NEW DESK ON HER 1ST DAY OF HOMESCHOOL!
WE GATHERED EVERY BOOK FROM EVERY ROOM AND MADE A SMALL READING CENTER. WE ALSO BOUGHT SOME $1 BINS AND MADE CRAFT BINS FOR OUR STAMPS, FOAM CRAFTS, AND PUT SOME GAMES FOR US TO PLAY.
THIS WAS MOMMY'S DESK....LESS THAN 4 FOOT AWAY FROM HER (I DON'T THINK IT WAS CLOSE ENOUGH FOR HER THOUGH, OR FOR ME EITHERLOL)
A 1" BINDER WE ALREADY HAD THAT FOUND A NEW LIFE AS 'ARIYANA'S DAILY WORK FOLDER"
WE MADE A CUTE PENCIL JAR OUT OF AN OLD CAN OF GIRL SCOUTS -CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINS
HER CALENDAR & WEATHER STATION....
Homeschooling was going good. I was tired and drained, but it was good. That was until the 'next' public school blunder occured
About a month later on another Monday morning, my husband gets up and goes to work, as usual. I drop our older two off around 8:20am to have breakfast at school with the friends. Then I get a phone call around 8:45am telling me that I needed to come to the school, that my son had gotten in a fight and was in big trouble. I called my husband and had him meet me there, as I didn't want to go alone. Then I rushed to the school only to find out that my 11 year old son, who's in the 5th grade, got suspended for supposedly punching a 2nd grade girl in the face! It was said that he wanted to jump in the front of the breakfast line to be the first to get food and this poor little girl told him not too, so he punched her. MY SON???? My son who cherishes his 2 younger sisters, lives by doing what is 'right', and whom was just baptised 2 months prior by HIS own spritual calling! MY SON? Needless to say, he swears he didn't do it, his story and the other children involved were completely different. No one bothered to ask my eldest daughter who was there and saw the whole thing, nor the kids I took to school that morning via carpool. The truth is that the girl in question was standing there with her 2 older brothers, my son stepped out of the line and walked up to a friend near the front to so say "hi" to a friend and talk about all the things they did over the weekend and the girl threw a fit because she 'thought' he was cutting, grabbed his backpack from his back, pulled him down as she caught him off guard. He went to get back up and asked the girl what her problem was, she got in his face and tried to kick his knee, he blacked her kick and then she fell. Then the 2 older boys got in his face about messing with 'their' sister. and shoved my son. Keep in mind.....there are ONLY 6 people in this line, how far could he have gone? All summed up in a nuttshell here..... they lied for their sister and my son got a week of suspension for something he NEVER DID and these other kids got...you guess it! NOTHING!! On the way out of the office, my husband looks at me and says "I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS PUBLIC SCHOOL CRAP...^%$#$&*(*(*&%^ <..followed by ENOUGH CURSING TO MAKE A SAILOR CRINGE! How much will it cost to homeschool all three of them and can we do it? Can you really do this?"
Well, I ended up submitting his NOI that same day alongside our eldest daughter. Afterall.....we weren't taking anymore from that school, or any other one for that matter! After I submitted our NOI and we dropped of the disenrollment letter, all 5 of us....our son, our 2 daughters, me, and MY HUSBAND walked out of the doors and down the long walkway back to the truck with the biggest smiles on our faces. "FINALLY, WE ARE FREE-MAN's!!!!!!!!" Our son yells out...and we walked away smiling. All pun intended of corse because our last name is Freeman!
...........The End
About a month later on another Monday morning, my husband gets up and goes to work, as usual. I drop our older two off around 8:20am to have breakfast at school with the friends. Then I get a phone call around 8:45am telling me that I needed to come to the school, that my son had gotten in a fight and was in big trouble. I called my husband and had him meet me there, as I didn't want to go alone. Then I rushed to the school only to find out that my 11 year old son, who's in the 5th grade, got suspended for supposedly punching a 2nd grade girl in the face! It was said that he wanted to jump in the front of the breakfast line to be the first to get food and this poor little girl told him not too, so he punched her. MY SON???? My son who cherishes his 2 younger sisters, lives by doing what is 'right', and whom was just baptised 2 months prior by HIS own spritual calling! MY SON? Needless to say, he swears he didn't do it, his story and the other children involved were completely different. No one bothered to ask my eldest daughter who was there and saw the whole thing, nor the kids I took to school that morning via carpool. The truth is that the girl in question was standing there with her 2 older brothers, my son stepped out of the line and walked up to a friend near the front to so say "hi" to a friend and talk about all the things they did over the weekend and the girl threw a fit because she 'thought' he was cutting, grabbed his backpack from his back, pulled him down as she caught him off guard. He went to get back up and asked the girl what her problem was, she got in his face and tried to kick his knee, he blacked her kick and then she fell. Then the 2 older boys got in his face about messing with 'their' sister. and shoved my son. Keep in mind.....there are ONLY 6 people in this line, how far could he have gone? All summed up in a nuttshell here..... they lied for their sister and my son got a week of suspension for something he NEVER DID and these other kids got...you guess it! NOTHING!! On the way out of the office, my husband looks at me and says "I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS PUBLIC SCHOOL CRAP...^%$#$&*(*(*&%^ <..followed by ENOUGH CURSING TO MAKE A SAILOR CRINGE! How much will it cost to homeschool all three of them and can we do it? Can you really do this?"
Well, I ended up submitting his NOI that same day alongside our eldest daughter. Afterall.....we weren't taking anymore from that school, or any other one for that matter! After I submitted our NOI and we dropped of the disenrollment letter, all 5 of us....our son, our 2 daughters, me, and MY HUSBAND walked out of the doors and down the long walkway back to the truck with the biggest smiles on our faces. "FINALLY, WE ARE FREE-MAN's!!!!!!!!" Our son yells out...and we walked away smiling. All pun intended of corse because our last name is Freeman!
...........The End
P.S. About the dream I had that one night.....would you believe me when I tell you that our new 'home-classroom' is EXACTLY like the one in my dream??? God had His plan all along, and it was up to me to see His vision through clear eyes and stick to it. BE ENCOURAGED!!!!!!!
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