Good Morning Beloved,
For the last few weeks something has been stirring within me. I have not been eating right, as I have not been too hungry. I have been snappy, mouthy, and short tempered. I am cold one minute then hot the next (temper wise). My sleeping patten/schedule is anything but normal. Last night I was up at midnight...again, (as it has been this way for about 2 weeks or so now) and as I forced myself to finally climb into bed, there was my husband AWAKE and watching Sports Center. Now, while this may be a normal thing for him (he is in the US Navy and up at ALL hours for standing watches/being out to sea etc), this is a very bad ordeal for me. As I climb into bed I ask him " Are you STILL up?" He replied " Yep". His normal reply to things. I snuggle in under my covers and what did I do? I COMPLAIN! At midnight!!!
"I don't know why I am still up at this hour."
"You may be used to it but I'm not."
" I wonder if this is YOUR fault?"
"Lord you promised your beloved sweet sleep, why am I not tired?"
I then tossed and turned for only about 10 minutes and I felt this overpowering urge to scream! I didn't because our kids were sleeping, (well...2 of them anyways because our 11 year old is having the same issue) but I REALLY wanted to. I felt angry, frustrated, restless, and just plain ol' hateful! As a wife, mother, and full-time homemaker it is my job, NO privledge to be and do ALL I can for my family and to remain grounded at all times. When Mom's body clock is out of whack, then the whole house seems to be in disarray. I have been wondering what could be causing all of this evil?
Is it the holiday season rush and being away from friends and family?
The freezing weather outside that has given us the most beautiful fluffy snow, but trapped us in the house for a week?
Is it because my husband's work schedule?
Well, today as I was writing to a friend on Facebook, I had a revelation as I read her post. She stated "I'm not very hopeful" about her situation. ( I will not mention it for privacy reasons). At that time this is what my spirit was aching to expell:
Don't you dare sit there and have pity on yourself!!! You will not have a pity party, but will claim a victorious PRAYING party!!
*Now faith is the substance of ALL things HOPED for, the evidence of things not seen.
~Hebrews 11:1
*Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping--believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, "That's how many descendants you will have!" ~Romans 4:18
*He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
~Matthew 17:20
*If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
~Matthew 20:22
*"19 Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
~Matthew 18:19-20
HERE WE ARE....AS TWO, THREE, TEN, 68!!!! WE ARE STRONG, VIRTUOUS, AND BLESSED WOMEN OF GOD. WE ARE HIS ARMY. AN ARMY OF HOPEFUL, BELIEVING & RECEIVING, OVERCOMERS!!!! AN ARMY WORKS BETTER AS A WHOLE....THAT IS WHAT WE ARE! WE ARE NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO STAND ALONE. WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE AND BE PICKED OFF ONE BY ONE AS THE DEVIL THROWS STUMBLING BLOCKS AT US!!! WE ARE TO USE THOSE STUMBLING BLOCKS AS STEPPING STONES AND KEEP CLIMBING THIS MOUNTAIN!!! WE...ARE...NOT...QUITTERS!!!!! HE CALLS US HIS BELOVED AND PROMISES US A FRUITFUL WOMB AND THAT WE WILL BECOME A MOTHER OF ALL NATIONS! CLAIM YOUR PROMISES GIRLS.....CLAIM THEM IN JESUS' MIGHTY AND EVERLASTING NAME!!
~Be Encouraged Sisters~
Now, when I sit back and read the power that God had through my hands typing it...I came to the realization that the culprit of my new found "habits" are a word that none of us want to hear: DEPRESSION! I have never been one to sit around and let the devil creep into my life and slap me in the face with Depression. (Ugh, the word gives me the creepies). But, as I REALLY take a look at myself and search my heart I can see the mistakes I have made to open the door for him, and....I left it WIDE-OPEN!
1. Greed: I got so caught up in my earthly desires to have everything "perfect" for the hoildays, that I forgot to take time out for me and God to be intimate. I did not lock myself in my prayer room (normally my bathroom while I'm in the shower as it is the only time I really get to myself for those 5-10 minutes without my blessings needing me lol) and pour all my anxieties upon Him. I prayed a quick prayer and went about my work, instead of allowing the water pouring from the showerhead to wash over me and clease my spirit. I close my eyes tightly and I envision Jesus onthe cross and that the blood He shed for ME is what is washing me. Now some may say to think of such a thing is gross.....blood pouring on you. But, He is the only thing that can save me. His blood is the only thing that protects me. His blood is the only thing that paved the way for forgivenes.....so I will take the criticizem anyday =)
2. Pride: I bombarded myself with WAY TO MUCH planning, organizing, lists, baking, cooking, cleaning, activities with the kids, shopping, wrapping, chatting with friends, family etc that it threw my "spiritual schedule" out of whack! I let my fleshly schedule take over God's master schedule and that is a BIG NO-NO!
3. Substance: Now, while some people may be able to do this, I obviously cannnot. I have been drinking coffee left and right, day after day, cup after cup... for weeks. While it helped me to accomplish most of my earthly matters, it pushed my body so hard (alongside my determination to just keep going) that I am now flat on my face. It is making me stay up all hours of the night (because I am drinking it all hours of the day), but it has me exausted enough to sleep in until 10-11am! I am a MOTHER.....I am the first one up in the morning. I have breakfast made. I am being a keeper of my home (Titus 2:3-5), I am ready for my day as the sun arises! Apparently NOT according to Maxwell House. Well, this is not Maxwell's house, it is GOD'S HOUSE! So, sorry Max...ya gotta go because "As for me and my house, we WILL serve the LORD" ~Joshua 24:15
4. Selfishness: Because of my persistance in doing things 'my" way, I did not listen to God's word when He says "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." ~James3:16 The word DEPRESSION is a very evil word and an even more evil expeirence. I have never really faced much of it, but for the little I have tasted: I DO NOT WANT IT! I was selfish in thinking that I could do things my way and get away with it. Everything has a cause and effect. Well, I allowed the devil to effect my life with depresion so much that is caused my spirit to battle my flesh.
5. Complaining: I was complaining about EVERY thing.
No one helped me to do any cooking for Christmas dinner.
No one used their chore lists to help me clean and tidy the house.
No one offered a hand when I felt trapped. The food didn't come out the way I wanted it too.
My family was late for Chirstmas dinner (2 hours late).
My Papa just died and I miss him so much
My husband and I didn't get each other a single thing for Christmas as we just didn't have it this year. (We got for the kids though).
The gas prices are too high to fill up our truck.
His ship's schedule is all messed up because the Captain hates to be home (for whatever reason),
He has duty on new Year's Eve. etc etc etc....
This list went on and on AND ON!!! God clearly states: "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. ~Philippians 2:14-16 I felt like I was the only one doing things and that I was laboring for no reason. NOT TRUE! It is my duty as a homemaker to tend to the affairs of my home and not sit idle nor complain.
6. My Marriage: I was frustrated with my husband. Little words that don't mean anything) were breaking the straw on the camel's back. I did not want to submit to him in ANY way. When he spoke I secretly said to myself " Shut-up already because I don't care". At night " Do no touch me, I'm too tired" 'You haven't done a single thing without complaining about it" I am a fine one to talk about complaining right? I was quick-tempered with him, his laundry is piled up (I had 8 whole days to wash/dry/iron it/put it away). He made his own food. Sometimes I would go make lunch for the kids, and grab me a snack and start eating it. He looked at me the other day and said " Where is my lunch? Oh I see you just made stuff for yourself greedy" Now, while he was playing with me with a smirk on his face, I knew that deep down inside, he really meant it. How GREEDY I was! When I read Hebrews 13:17 I think to myself.....Here is an awesome man of God who is out fighting for our country. Freedom is NOT FREE and he is sacrificing himself to P.R.O.V.I.D.E. for me, HIS wife, HIS help-meet, HIS beloved. Proverbs 25:24 states: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Me....quarrelsome? Yep, I sure was. How dare I? Do I really have a reason to be quarrelsome with my husband? Do the little things really matter so much that I am willing to throw my marriage in the fire just to complain about them? I think not!
7. Homemaking: DISHES, VACUUMING, LAUNDRY, BED MAKING, WINDOWS, TOYS, SWEEPING/MOPPING, DUSTING, COOKING, BAKING, TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN AS WELL AS OUR PETS. Why oh why do I have to bare these burdens? Are you kidding me??? Many people pray just to have a home or just to have a child, or just to have food to be able to take care of and prepare. here I am with MANY blessings, yet I do not want to do them. Proverbs 31:27 "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." I was blaming everything and everyone for my LAZINESS and lack of motivation to keep my home in order. Some may ask....Well, do I get paid to do this job? ABSOLUTELY!!! Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:28-29 How awesome is it to hear those words!!! Now, I may not hear them often (if at all sometimes), but when I get the embracing hugs or a warm gentle smile....I know they are blessing me=)
So, as you can see, the simple little things that I was doing daily, I took for granted. I allowed strife and discontentment to overpower my spirit. Depression.....never again will you weigh me down and make me feel inadaquate. God is my provider and if He is for me, who can be against me?
Romans 8:31
~ Be Encouraged..........................................Holly
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